“How do I know I’m in the right relationship?” Well, here is how to know you’re in a healthy relationship: Healthy relationships nudge you to be the best you can be.
A healthy relationship, however, doesn’t mean a flawless relationship. None is healthy all the time. But there are key markers that all healthy relationships have in common.
How to know a healthy relationship:
Comfortable Pace
Healthy relationships grow at a pace that feels enjoyable for both of you. When a relationship is still new, you may want to spend a lot of time with the other person and vice versa.
But you should all be on the same page on how the relationship is progressing. When a relationship is healthy, you won’t feel pressured, rushed, or overwhelmed.
Trust
Trust is the bedrock of any relationship; it means having the confidence that your partner won’t make any choices that will sabotage the relationship or hurt you.
When you’re in a healthy relationship, you don’t question your partner’s intentions or whether they’ll take your side in your absence, and be on your side during tough times. Besides, they trust you, respect you, and don’t ‘test’ you in a bid to confirm your loyalty.
Honesty
Can you be candid and truthful without worrying about the other person’s reaction? In healthy relationships, you both can share your feelings and unadulterated truth about your lives – you don’t need to hide or twist things.
They may not always like what you say, but they will always be considerate in their reaction.
Independence
You both need to have a life that’s independent of your relationship. Your partner should support your relationships with family, friends and colleagues, and your hobbies.
Your relationship doesn’t have to play a part in every aspect of your life. Being independent means being at liberty to do you and extending the same grace to your partner.
Respect
You value each other’s opinions and beliefs and appreciate each other for who you are as individuals. You set relationship boundaries, and you’re confident that both of you will respect those boundaries.
You celebrate when either of you achieves their goals and support each other’s hard work and dreams.
Equality
A healthy relationship feels balanced, with each partner putting their best foot forward. You don’t allow one partner’s preferences and views to dominate; instead, you listen to each, compromise when you don’t share a perspective, and aim for ‘win-win’ resolutions.
Your needs, interests, and aspirations are just as valid and important as your partner’s. They might be instances where you put in more (emotional support, money, time) than the other person and vice versa. Nevertheless, the outcome should feel even and equitable.
Kindness
You’re empathetic and caring to each other, and each partner feels supported and comfortable. When you’re in a healthy relationship, you both strive to make each other happy.
Kindness should be mutual. You should be compassionate with each other.
Taking Responsibility
In a healthy relationship, you both take ownership of your words and actions. You avoid blame games and admit when you’re at fault.
When you’ve made a mistake, you not only apologize but you also continually strive to improve the relationship by making positive changes. You should own the impact of your behavior or words even when they aren’t deliberate.
Healthy Conflict
You should be able to respectfully and openly discuss issues and non-judgmentally confront disagreements. Conflict is an expected and normal part of any healthy relationship.
But when people in a healthy fight, they do so fairly and productively. This means trying to understand each other instead of aiming at scoring points. Besides, you shouldn’t yell or belittle during an argument.
A healthy conflict entails recognizing issues as they emerge and addressing them before they escalate into something bigger.
Fun
You should enjoy spending time with each other. A healthy relationship should make you happy, and it should feel comfortable. You should be able to let loose, be yourself, and laugh together.
A good relationship doesn’t dampen your moods; it makes you cheerful. No relationship is 100% fun, but your good times should outweigh the bad times.
Shared Values and Goals
You should be on the same page when it comes to primary life goals and values. You should know what you’re aiming at in life, what your shared goals are, and that you’re working as a team in pursuit of these goals.
Realistic Expectations
Your expectations of each other should be hinged on reality and not fantasy. You’re both incredibly complex individuals who’ve chosen to work together. That takes a lot of work, even without unrealistic ideals and demands.
Intimate
Sex is a key part of any healthy relationship, but it’s only one of the components, and it doesn’t translate to intimacy. Being intimate isn’t just about physical satisfaction; it’s also about friendship, bonding, and familiarity.
Your relationship can only be healthy when your connection is all-encompassing and not just about sex.
Safe
A healthy relationship is like a safety net; it’s a stable place where you’re happy to come back to at the end of your day. That doesn’t mean it should be conflict-free, it means that at even in your hardest or lowest moments, you’d rather see your spouse and vice versa.
Open for Discussions
When you have concerns and issues weighing on your, you should be able to share them with your partner and not colleagues during happy hour.
Your friend can make for a good sounding board, but at the end of the day, you should have those difficult conversations with your partner.
Partners Value Magic Words
“Thank you,” “I’m sorry,” and “I love you.”
Let Go of Trivialities
Rather than hurt your partner’s feelings or cause an unnecessary argument, you both should choose to let some things slide.
This doesn’t mean that you should be a pushover; it, however, does mean that you shouldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
Based on the Now
A healthy relationship is based on the present. Your relationship won’t all of a sudden transform once you buy your dream house, have a baby, or win a lottery. Don’t get in a relationship with the anticipation that it’s likely to change in the future.
In a healthy relationship, you value and accept each other for what you currently are and not what you might become.
Support for Other’s Passions and Ambitions
Not all of your partner’s endeavors will be appealing or interesting to you. But you should not discourage each other on that account. Instead, you should encourage and support each other’s ambitions without being threatened by the likelihood of either of you attaining success.
Accept Each Other’s Pasts
We all have a past. Instead of digging into each other’s past relationships and decisions or feeling threatened by each other’s previous partners, you should acknowledge and appreciate that those past experiences shaped you to be who you are today.
Never Stop Appreciating Each Other
You don’t need to make grandiose shows of affection. It’s the small daily acts of love and kindness that matter. Examples include:
● Holding of hands
● Setting aside time for each other
● Buying flowers
● Crafting handmade gifts
● Cooking them their favorite dish
● Appreciating their effort even on little things
● Being supportive when either of you is struggling
● Just listening to them
● Remembering important events like birthdays and anniversaries
● Making them breakfast in bed
● Getting them tickets to their favorite band’s concert
● Reminding them how much you love them
What Defines an Unhealthy Relationship?
There are many reasons why a relationship may be deemed unhealthy; here are the major red flags:
● Having to justify your actions continually
● Feeling pressured to change who you are into what your partner wants
● Recurring arguments that never get resolved
● An absolute lack of ‘me time’ or privacy
● The pressure to say things that your partner wants to hear
● Any form of manipulation
● Any kind of physical violence
● Lack of quality time with your partner
● The pressure to abandon activities you love or your hobbies
● Lack of respect for your family or friends
Empathy, kindness, caring, encouragement, and support are the hallmarks of a loving and great relationship.
A healthy relationship simply has no room for meanness, rudeness, insults, jealousy, blaming, degrading, guilt-tripping, judging, criticizing, or physical lashing out. You should be able to set relationship boundaries that should never be crossed.
When you get in a relationship, you both choose to embark on a journey for many years to come. But you should still be able to maintain your individuality while joining the best of what each of you has to offer for your mutual benefit.
