“No!”
“We need to give each other space.”
“It’s over between us.”
“We just can’t work.”
“Maybe some other time.”
If there is anything we all have in common, it’s that at some point in our lives we have had to painfully listen to these words as they splutter out of the mouth of that lover, fiance, family member, business partner, customer, and even close friend. Although rejection is altogether inevitable (as long as you live in this world) there are steps you can take to help you through the rejection process
The pre-rejection
Here are tips to help you in spotting rejection from a mile away and how to help cushion the effects it have on you psychologically. You must note that taking these measures does not automatically mean that you will not face rejection. It only helps in reducing the impact that it could have on you physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
Know yourself
A lot of people keep on living from day to day without really knowing themselves or coming to terms with who or what they are, what they like, and why they like what they like. It is very important that you know your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to your emotions and relationships. It is important because although we are all humans we perceive rejection differently; what might seem like rejection to you will pretty much mean nothing to another person. Knowing this will help you make alliances and form relationships with the right set of people.
Know the people around you
This is a key step because you cannot reject yourself; you might have that feeling of self-rejection and get stuck. So you must know the behaviors, patterns, and lifestyle of the people you surround yourself with because they could be most likely to hurt you more than you can imagine. There is an old proverb that says “a foretold war won’t end a cripple”; this just goes to say that if you know the people with the most tendency to reject you or situations which could lead to such rejections then you can either stay away from such people or situations or make contingency measures to help you cushion your fall into rejection.
Don’t put all your eggs in a basket
Well, some might say this is not right, especially as it relates to our love lives. We are insinuating that you go around double or triple dating, all this says is that you should, until you are given a form of assurance, have a plan B just in case. And this is where objectivity should rule over our emotions. If you have your emotions flying all around then you might be a repetitive victim of rejection. So if you have someone that you love don’t give him your 100% until you are sure of some considerable level of safety. If you have that client you are sending a proposal to, get two or three more clients. There is no harm in getting more than one interested party. It even affords you the luxury of picking the best alternative.
The rejection
Accept the rejection, but don’t take it personally
Most times we tend to refuse the fact that “he left you,” or that you lost the contract, or that the beautifully crafted business proposal was rejected, or that she said “no” when you bent the knee with a ring between your fingers. And that’s the one costly mistake we make as humans: We tend to live in the past, sticking to that grandiose picture we have constructed in our head and fail to accept the reality, and so we stay stuck in the rejection.
Keep a barricade of people who genuinely love you
It takes people to hurt anyone, but it also takes people to help heal anyone. The aftermath of rejection could make you withdraw into an invisible shell of loneliness which we tend to think means safety, but that is not the case. Being by yourself is a no-no when it comes to dealing with rejection, as this could further lead to depression and social anxiety. Hence one of the critical steps to take in a situation like that is to get close to family, friends (but do all you can to stay away from exes that have become friends) and appreciate the mass of people that still care very much about you, this way you are preoccupied with people that really matter.
Talk to a confidant
The saying goes that “a problem shared is half solved.” Well, this saying is true. Rejection makes the heart feel burdened, and studies have shown that emotional pains are just like the physical pains and even deadlier because with the physical pain you can pinpoint the area causing the pain and target adequate medications at it but with emotional pains there is no physical drug that you can use to ease the pain, but one great way to help ease the pain and offload the burden from your chest is actually to talk about it. Sometimes talking about rejection to a confidant helps you to acknowledge that you have been rejected and then helps you get over it. Ever wonder how shrinks do what they do? They give you relief by giving you the right ambiance to talk yourself to healing. So talk to someone that can be trusted and can give you found counsel and you will find yourself free from the burden of carrying that information alone.
Don’t rush the healing process
Bouncing back from rejection is like getting back to your feet after an accident that fractured your knee in the sense that the recovery process is a steady one. You don’t just start running around the next day, no, you might need to use a wheelchair for a while and then a walking stick before you can walk again. And the same goes for rejection, and you can’t say that everything will be back to normal the next day because it won’t and no matter how much you fake that smile and run around pretending to be happy it doesn’t change the fact that you still hurt within. So just let yourself feel all the rage, pain, and discomfort and then try daily to let go. Cry if you have to. Studies have shown that crying helps release two hormones—oxytocin and endorphins—that help to ease pain.
Take care of yourself
The fact that you have one less person to worry about means you have more time to worry about yourself so when he/she rejects you, use that free time to take care of yourself; the chances are that you have been too busy taking care of them all the while. Just remember “you are not truly rejected until you must have rejected yourself.”
Engage in positive self-talk
Nothing works better than positive self-talk to negate whatever impression the rejection might have imprinted within your mind. It is more or less like rewiring your thought process and silencing that voice in your head that keeps on telling you “you are not good enough” and “you will never be good enough” with words like “I am great,” “I am unique,” “They cannot understand how perfect I was for…” and the more you speak these positive words, the easier they stick and become your reality.
Post-rejection
Reflect on the experience
People will agree that experience is the best teacher, and so it is imperative that we embrace our mistakes and reflect on the experience we gathered, but we need to be careful so as not to dwell in it but to reflect on it and move on.
Take interesting trips
Passing through the rejection means you need to focus on anything that can and will take your mind away from such thoughts. Taking trips could be just what you need. Go camping with friends, hiking with colleagues, or take a mini-vacation with your favorite niece. Sometimes moving away from the area that you got hurt helps to make the healing faster.
Don’t be too scared to take risks
As humans the brain automatically has a way of ensuring that we shy away from things that have hurt us sometime in the past. It’s called a defense mechanism that builds some emotional barrier between you and such events that have harmed you in the past. Although the brain means well, the reality is that if you don’t get out there sooner or later you are likely to be lonely and depressed so go out, have fun, meet new people. There is just one disclaimer: If you are trying to get out of a relationship rejection then meeting a new friend and getting into another relationship might work but it definitely won’t last long, as you might be getting into it with the wrong reasons and therefore stand a risk of being rejected yet again. So even though you should be ready to mingle, you should also be careful.
